Raw Life

Just had to reprint this as its so good......I wish I had written it! lol

Subject: Police Complaint

Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service,
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead.
Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Bodmin, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.
As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in St Marys Crescent, which is just off St Marys Road in Bodmin.
Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed.
I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on its side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this - after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
I remain sir, your obedient servant
???????
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Mr ??????,
I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.
As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you. Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
Regards
PC ?
Community Beat Officer
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Dear PC ?
First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Bodmin Police station, and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.
Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills? In the five or so years I have lived in St Marys Crescent , I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's s urely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.
Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Bodmin, such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these twats that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch on Fairpark Road , or the one at Priory Park are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Par Dock.
Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on xxxxx. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Cat and Fiddle Pub.
Regards
P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department, with whom I am also in contact!!

Well done to whoever wrote the above!

Just finished watching the Dispatches programme on TV about the underground movements infiltrating our country. Every Mosque seems to be preaching the intolerant Shariya version of Islam. And encouraging its followers to kill not just Jews but Christians as well.

I remember when I worked in Finsbury Park for 3 years...every Friday afternoon the streets were cordoned off so that the now famous chap with ths Hook could preach murder and bloodshed in the name of Allah. he was protected by armed Police!

I have lived and worked in Islamic countries and suffered no problems..In fact I loved living there..but we are suffering here in the UK by the very ones that were not wanted in their own countries but welcomed with open arms here. I saw Gordon Brown inviting Muslim women to Downing Street to encourage them to take more interest and to integrate more. I dont see any other religion that has this unprecedented attention......what about the Hindus? the Jews? The Rastafarians ? Is it because they are peaceful and dont cause too much trouble ?

The Saudis are gradually taking over the running of most Mosques in the UK with funding and literature that encourages Violence and aggression. The Fatwa boys (Saudis) are feared even in Islamic countries with their brand of non-tolerance Islam. Beheadings and floggings go on every day there. But we choose to turn a blind eye to it as we need their oil. And they know this and take full advantage of it.

Isnt it time we stopped the buildings of so many mosques and limited them to one per county ? They seem to be the fountain of encouragement of the volatile and intolerant and blood thirsty section of Islam that we do not want in the UK. Shariya law must not be tolerated by any decent human being and should be openly banned and openly condemned by all. Not all Muslims follow this inhumane part of Islam and they should be the first to openly condemn this.

Unfortunately, if the Imam tells his followers to do something against their own beliefs.....they will still do it. Such is the power instilled within the Mosques.